Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene

• Do not let meanness or stupidity annoy you - look upon it as a new fact and an addition to your knowledge
• If you let the book guide you
  1. Become a calmer, more strategic, less emotional observe of people
  2. Overt displays conceal the contrary reality
  3. Take on & outthink the toxic types
     • One must not fall for their myths and flattery
  4. Levers for motivating & influencing people
  5. Transform you into a deeper and more sympathetic individual
  6. Will alter how one sees oneself
• Master your emotional self Attack: difference in voice tone and body language (reliving something from early life) Quick gains/losses How do I operate under stress?
• The need for attention
  • One often creates a self for self-attention
• Mimic others
• Types of narcissists:
  1. Total control narcissist
  2. Theatrical narcissist
  3. The narcissistic couple
• Cues
  1. Face (expressions that go against the meaning of what the person says)
  2. Voice
  3. Posture, hand gestures, legs
  4. Walking style
• Write down patterns
• Notice the looks of anticipation vs tension
• Pay attention to mixed signals
• Observe conversations around you
• Beware of Othello’s mistake
• People use words to hide their feelings
• Categories of cues
  1. Dislike/like
     • Smiles, conversations, support for ideas as a front
     • A confrontation or an ugly attitude “out of the blue”
     • Before:
       • Sudden squinting of the eyes
       • The glade
       • The pursing is the lips
       • Stiff neck
       • Torso & feet turn away while you are still engaged in conversation
       • The folding of the arms as you make a point
     • This is how the mask comes off
     • Price: emotional toll, difficulties
     • Actions never come out of the blue
     • Micro expressions last less than a second
       1. Suppression of a negative feeling
       2. When we are unaware of their hostility, yet it shows through
     • If you surprise someone who harbours negative thoughts toward you by approaching them from the side, you will see a micro expression of displeasure.
       • You’ve expressed something — they roll their eyes.
       • Sarcastic comment with positive body language = a repressed way or showing hostility
       • Praise or flattery without their eyes lighting up
     • Micro expressions leak out more when the person is:
       • Drunk
       • Sleepy
       • Frustrated
       • Under stress
     • Set up tests/traps
       • Appear somebody
       • Induce costs/unpleasantries to test for annoyance
       • Say something negative about their friends - look
       • Talk about the latest good news for you
       • Quickness of response to email/texts
       • Intentionally stir hostility
       • Charm offensives
       • Create distance
     • Expressions of comfort:
       • Relaxation in the facial muscles
       • Blood rushes to the face
       • Pupils dilate
       • Eyebrows rise
       • Genuine smiles
       • Risen pitch of their voice
       • A purring quality to their voice
       • Arms not folded
       • Exchange more looks
       • The other person unconsciously mirroring you
  2. Dominance/submission
     • Usually nonverbal communication
     • Simulation must be done well — fake confidence is off putting
     • Powerful people feel allowed to look around more
     • Show feelings freely and openly
     • No frequent smiling, but smiles are more meaningful
     • Powerful people are more entitled to touch people
     • Others feel compelled to mimic their energy
     • Speak faster
     • Vigorous handshake
     • No pacifying behaviour
     • Extra assertiveness = trying to conceal
     • Showing up late = superiority
     • Punctuation
     • The symptom — a voluntary use of empathy
  • one
  3. Deception
     • Tension (smile & the eyes are still = deceit)
     • Exaggeration
     • Contrived behaviour
     • The explanation is too slick
     • If the lie is more eccentric, it is more probable.
     • Surprise the deceitful
     • Life in the public eye means wearing a mask
     • Deception management
       1. Master the nonverbal clues
       2. Be a method actor
       3. Adapt to your audience
          • Adjust your accent and your words
       4. Pay attention to your first impression
          • Do not appear too often
          • Withhold information
          • Make contradictory claims
       5. Project saintly qualities
          • Give generously to causes & promote them
          • Be progressive, open-minded, tolerant
          • Sincerity
          • Honesty
          • Appear humble
          • Use dominance cues
          • Have a villain with which you can contrast yourself
          • Personality comes from the Latin persona, meaning mask.
• Determine the strength of people’s character
  • Do not be mesmerised by the reputation or by the surface image
  • Character = early years + daily habits
  • Howard Hughes Jr. story
  • Character is destiny
  • Types of attachment between mother and child:
    • Free/Autonomous
    • Dismissing
    • Enmeshed/Ambivalent
    • Disorganised (mixed signals)
  • One can develop and shape one’s own character
  • One must learn to read a person’s character
  • People never do something just once.
  • Power does not change people; it reflects their true nature
  • Character types
    • Introverts vs. Extroverts
    • Toxic types
      • The hyper-perfectionist
      • The relentless rebel
      • The personaliser
      • The drama magnet
      • The big talker
      • The sexualiser
      • The pampered prince/princess
      • The pleaser
      • The saviour
      • The easy moraliser
• Become an elusive object of desire
  • Absence and presence have primal effects on us
  • Every no sparks a corresponding yes
  • See yourself as an object that people perceive
    1. Know how and when to withdraw
• Elevate your perspective
  • Self opinion
    1. Autonomous
    2. Intelligent
    3. Good/decent
  • To use one’s self opinion:
    1. Transform yourself into a deep listener
    2. Infect people with the proper mood
    3. Confirm their self-opinion
    4. Flatter
    5. Use people’s resistance and stubbornness
• The answer to everything is work and love.
• Types of attitudes
  1. Constricted negative
     1. The hostile attitude
     2. Anxious
     3. Avoidant
     4. Depressive
     5. Resentful
  2. Seeing yourself as an explorer

• Confront your dark side (the Shadow)
  • How to interpret the Shadow:
    • emotional outburst
      • Action
        • Said something biting
        • Expressed deep offence
      • Excuse
        • Blame on stress
        • Did not mean it
    • Vehement denial
    • Over-idealisation
    • Bullying (repressed aggression)
    • Projection
  • Behind every hatred is envy
  • When people are drunk, it is not the alcohol that is speaking, but their Shadow (true self)
  • The deeper the repression, the greater the volatility of the Shadow
• 7 Emphatic traits:
  1. Tough guy
  2. Saint
  3. Passive-aggressive charmer
  4. Fanatic
  5. Rigid rationalist
  6. Snob
  7. Extreme entrepreneur
• How to control your shadow
  1. See the Shadow